Should I start with the verdict right away—or build up a little suspense first?

After the bitter aftertaste that Red Sonja (2025) left me with, Deathstalker (2025) was the next remake of an ’80s sword-and-sorcery classic that I was actually excited about. My expectations were not only moderately high, but almost unreasonably optimistic—after all, the film had the chance to finally revive the true flair of the genre. I had hoped that the filmmakers would have enough courage to deliver an uncompromising homage to real 80s dark fantasy—including blood, guts, tits, and ass. Added to this was the desire that they would dare to capture the dirty, anarchic spirit of the 80s: rough sets, exaggerated characters, dark magic, sweaty barbarians, and a touch of ironic self-dramatization that is hard to find today.
Since there was no big studio in the background that could have watered it down, my expectations were even higher.

Until I finally saw the film… and all my hopes collapsed like a wet house of cards. That moment, when anticipation suddenly turned to disillusionment, lasted less than five minutes—and the further the film progressed, the clearer it became that expectations had not only been disappointed, but completely shattered.

The movie is crap!

I couldn’t even get through it in one go and was on the verge of giving up several times. Every single attempt to get back into it only made my frustration grow.

But first, the (only) positive aspect: the effects consist almost entirely of practical effects—including stop motion and deliberately visible composite edges. And yes, there is definitely no skimping on blood and guts. These handmade elements in particular convey the feeling that someone really tried to capture the spirit of the 80s. You can tell that a lot of heart and soul went into this.

Unfortunately, apart from the hero’s name and the scene with Pig’s henchman Markup, the film has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with the original Deathstalker. These set pieces seem more like a forced pat on the back to fans of the original, without any real respect or understanding of its tone and atmosphere. Everything else feels like a completely different movie that has been hastily slapped with the old title.

But the final blow comes from the combination of 80s practical effects and modern 4K 60+FPS ultra-sharp images with extremely deep depth of field. This creates a veritable uncanny valley effect that hurts both the eyes and the head. Added to this is the almost universal use of the „head-and-shoulders“ perspective, which makes the whole thing look like a poorly made TV movie. Not like The Asylum – but (visually!) more like early Dr. Who episodes from the 70s/80s. In addition, the static shots, the artificial-looking digital clean look, and the strange color correction reinforce the feeling that you are actually watching a fan production on YouTube, which happened to be joined by a few talented practical effects hobbyists.

A little 80s VHS grain, some motion blur, perhaps slight image noise would have helped enormously here. As it is, however, it all looks more like a poorly produced LARP fan film that lacks both atmosphere and cinematic cohesion. If even a minimum of analog patina or deliberately stylized blurring had been used, the look would not only have been more tolerable, but possibly even charming—as it is, however, it remains sterile, inappropriate, and visually frustrating. This makes it difficult to immerse oneself in the world at all, as every frame screams, „This isn’t real.“

Unfortunately, this LARP impression also applies to the story. Of course, the sword-and-sorcery films of the 80s weren’t exactly known for their profound scripts – but they had more to offer than this. Back then, despite all their trashiness, these films thrived on a raw spirit of adventure, clear character motivations, and a sense of danger, magic, and transgression. In this remake, on the other hand, the plot seems like a loose string of scenes that have been pieced together without any sense of rhythm or dramatic arc. Furthermore, as already mentioned, the plot has nothing to do with the original, which wouldn’t even be the biggest problem – but it also offers no vision of its own.

Nudity is certainly not the most important thing in the world—but anyone who watches the original Deathstalker immediately understands what this remake of a cult film from the 80s is completely missing: tits and ass, i.e., the typical exploitation element that helped define the genre back then. This aspect wasn’t just cheap sensationalism, but a style-defining element of an era that was radically uninhibited. The new film, however, completely dispenses with it and seems downright afraid to be provocative, thereby losing a core component of the sword-and-sorcery feeling. The result is tame, sanitized, and in many places downright prudish—another nail in the coffin for an already misguided reinterpretation.

Conclusion:

The decision to focus on practical effects was fundamentally sound and could have actually created an authentic 80s sword-and-sorcery feel. However, modern hyperreal camera technology immediately and permanently destroys this feeling. The result feels more like a LARP hobby project than a real movie. In addition, the sterile image sharpness and lack of analog aesthetics create an enormous gap between intention and implementation: the effects may be handmade, but they are shown in a presentation that destroys any illusion. Instead of creating a nostalgic atmosphere, the film feels as if it blurs the lines between fan project, art project, and unintentional parody—without ever achieving the charm that the original or comparable low-budget gems of the 80s possessed despite all their weaknesses.

After all the disappointments of recent years, I’m almost in favor of banning remakes of cult films from the 80s altogether.

I’m going to relax and watch the original first…